Thursday, June 12, 2008

The Suit's Here!

You may recall that I told you some time ago that I'd ordered a custom-tailored "tailsuit" to wear for international-style ballroom dance competitions. I'd grown used to wearing a tuxedo for the smooth dances (Waltz, Tango, Fox Trot) in the American style, but as a result of a conspiracy hatched many years ago between the High Overlords of Ballroom Haberdashery and the tailoring industry, it is considered necessary to wear tails to dance the standard dances (Waltz, Tango, Slow Foxtrot, Quickstep, Viennese Waltz) in international style.

The tailsuit arrived yesterday via Fed-Ex, and is now hanging up to let the worst of the packing wrinkles fall out. I hope it works. Agnes has tried hanging me up to get the wrinkles to fall out, and that didn't work.

Anyhow, I've been looking at this very expensive suit and trying to figure out how to wear it. There are the pants (which have a very high waistline) and the jacket, and there's the shirt, which has separately-attached cuffs and celluloid collar, as well as the shirt studs and cuff links. And the white tie. And the suspenders (braces, I suppose, for my British readers). This is going to be interesting. It took long enough to get used to wearing an ordinary tuxedo: between the suspenders pulling the pants up and the garters pulling the shirt tails down, I kept having an almost uncontrollable urge to pitch forward all the time.

One particularly interesting thing about this suit is that I can pretty much only wear it for dancing because of the way it's cut. An ordinary suit (or tuxedo) is designed to fit as one stands in a normal position with arms at his sides. But when you dance, and raise your arms to the position required to hold the lady in dance position, the jacket rides up and bunches across the back because you're standing in a somewhat unnatural position (to imagine dance position, stand up and extend both arms straight out to the sides at shoulder height. Then bend your left arm up at about a 45-degree angle, and fold your right arm forward at the elbow until the flat of your hand is parallel to your chest. That's basic dance position for a gentleman). The tailsuit is tailored to fit properly when I'm actually in dance position...meaning that when I'm just standing there, it looks as if it's not properly cut. Sigh.

It does look good, though, for the most part. I am very upset, though, because the tailor has spelled out its logo ("Pure Class") in silver rhinestones across the top of the front breast pocket. I think this is tacky. Everyone knows I'm a classy fellow and don't need to advertise the fact. I don't think it's dignified to look like a decal-bedecked NASCAR entry while I'm dancing. Ladies' ball gowns don't have such tacky advertisements on them.

AARRGGHH!!

Well anyhow, once the wrinkles fall out, I'll try the suit on and have Agnes take some pictures so you can see how I look when I clean up. If nothing else, I can wear it to fancy restaurants and try to trick people into thinking I'm the headwaiter, and give me tips.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

P.S. - Letter-writing project update: the first letter (for Andrea) is nearly done and should be ready to mail tomorrow. The next ones will go to Amanda, Mike, John, and my daughter. Jean-Luc, if you're still interested, I'll send you one...just drop me your address.

B.

6 comments:

John A Hill said...

Congrats on the arrival of the new suit. I'm quite sure that it will make you a better looking dancer! (maybe even a better dancer)

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Are we going to get to see pics?

And speaking of pics..there's one on my blog that you might be interested in seeing. Oh and he did Ribbon Of Darkness but not Race Among The Ruins .

Amanda said...

I never knew it was so complicated to get a man dressed. Its something you have to put up with to look good I guess. Now you know what women have to go through!

Its a shame about the blatant advertising. What was the tailor thinking???

We're all waiting to see the photos :)

lacochran said...

Just always stand in dance position. Problem solved. :)

At least your suit doesn't say TIDE.

Maybe a tailor can remove the rhinestones?

Mike said...

"I think this is tacky."

I say go all the way with the advertising. Put a big black and red STP sticker on your back.

Bilbo said...

John - we'll see. The way I dance, I'll take all the help I can get!

Andrea - you and Gordon Lightfoot! I'm REALLY happy for you. Can't wait to hear all the details!

Amanda - the thing that really grinds my gears about the advertising is that on the sample suits they had when I placed my order, the name was on the pocket, but in dark stones that matched the suit color, so you had to be close up to see it. I wouldn't have minded that so much...the silver ones are really over the top.

lacochran - you know, I should have thought of that! Of course, I'd look like a cactus all the time...a handsome and urbane cactus, to be sure, but a cactus. Just wait...now that I've written this, Mike will come back with a "prick" joke...

Mike - I'm disappointed you didn't go for the shot I'd have expected...the "WIDE LOAD" sign across the backside.